delectation.

I want the butt of a tennis player.

You are the spice in the hotpot of my life.

I mean, I’m not sure but I heard the words, “You and I are going different directions in life.” I think that’s code for, “I want to break up with you.”

Now here’s the funny bit. This wasn’t a guy saying it to me. It was a good friend. Or at least she used to be.

See, I’ve never been broken up with before. I guess I experienced the regular feelings – hurt, confused. It felt like I got hit with it ‘out of nowhere’ but in reality, like all break-ups, it’s been coming for a while. 

I was upset about it earlier in the week. Grieving for the loss of a great friendship (which maybe wasn’t ever that great). But I also felt shaken.

So far in life I’ve felt deeper connections to my close friends than I ever have to men in my life. When you deeply care for someone and your thoughts and beliefs about them are questioned, it really shakes you. If this can happen with her, can it happen with all my other relationships? Are people who you think they are? I’d always thought a bond like that was cemented for life, so with this revelation I’m feeling uneasy.

It’s easy to blame the distance between us for drifting apart. When I first moved, a friend told me, “the people who really are important in your world are set in stone, distance won’t change that. You may even be a bit surprised by who some of those people are!” She was right, but I’d interpreted it wrong at the start. The surprise wasn’t which of my friendships lasted, those are still set in stone. The surprise was actually who was important in my life.

When you can’t pinpoint the where things went wrong it’s hard to find closure. But I guess this is how everyone feels in this situation, right? What did I do wrong? Why don’t people like me? And ultimately the lesson is: not everyone likes you but you’re still okay. I mean, I’ve always known this but it’s surprised me how long it’s taken me to really feel it.

When you get broken up with by a boy, you listen to angry music, eat lots of chocolate and drink wine with your friends. Then you go out and pash a rebound. But when you get broken up with by a girlfriend, I’m not sure on the appropriate course of action. What’s the friend equivalent of a rebound?

Received an email from a friend. He ended it with:

In any case though I hope you are well and drinking from an overflowing cup of beauty in this surreal experience we naively label ‘existence’. 

I know some interesting people…